As a parent to two teenagers, I find myself in that familiar place of desperately needing God's wisdom to get this even halfway right.
I'm also in that familiar place of realizing that there isn't always a 'right' way to do things, and anyway, even if one could parent perfectly, there is still the whole free will thing. I mean, God was THE perfect parent, and look at us. Parenting well doesn't necessarily mean they turn out the way you want.
(But we've still got to try, right?)
So, as I seek wisdom on this parenting journey, panting after it like a desert-starved animal, it doesn't surprise me that I find some instruction in the book of Philippians - a book that has nothing to do with parenting, and which was not even written by a parent.
(God can use a whole lot of things for a whole lot of things, am I right?)
Two things caught my attention in chapter two:
1) there's a big theme throughout the Bible about how we and our children can get and keep wisdom. (Oh, how I hope they'll make wisdom their best friend as they grow up!). It's evident in something Paul says and something he does. And it's something we can do and say too.
2) the fruitfulness of our parenting efforts won't be fully known until "the day of Christ's return", which means if I'm lamenting the lack of results already, or even just worrying about what result will come in the next five years, I'm reacting waaaay too soon, and need to let the seed grow.
Come on in. Let's dig into the word together and I'll show you what I mean.
I'm also in that familiar place of realizing that there isn't always a 'right' way to do things, and anyway, even if one could parent perfectly, there is still the whole free will thing. I mean, God was THE perfect parent, and look at us. Parenting well doesn't necessarily mean they turn out the way you want.
(But we've still got to try, right?)
So, as I seek wisdom on this parenting journey, panting after it like a desert-starved animal, it doesn't surprise me that I find some instruction in the book of Philippians - a book that has nothing to do with parenting, and which was not even written by a parent.
(God can use a whole lot of things for a whole lot of things, am I right?)
Two things caught my attention in chapter two:
1) there's a big theme throughout the Bible about how we and our children can get and keep wisdom. (Oh, how I hope they'll make wisdom their best friend as they grow up!). It's evident in something Paul says and something he does. And it's something we can do and say too.
2) the fruitfulness of our parenting efforts won't be fully known until "the day of Christ's return", which means if I'm lamenting the lack of results already, or even just worrying about what result will come in the next five years, I'm reacting waaaay too soon, and need to let the seed grow.
Come on in. Let's dig into the word together and I'll show you what I mean.
"Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you.
And now that I am away, it is even more important."
Philippians 2:12
And now that I am away, it is even more important."
Philippians 2:12
A Parting Reminder
This instruction from Paul, this pleading with his followers to please remember everything they've learned, sounds a bit like Moses' parting words to the Israelites. "In the future... take to heart all these instructions" (Deut. 30:1 NLT) Moses goes on waaay longer than that (like, for multiple chapters), but that is the very condensed message.
As I think about my teenagers who are growing ever more independent and who will soon leave our safe nest, my deepest greatest hope is that they will remember what they have learned here, take those lessons with them, and follow those instructions and examples we've set out. We've modelled how to fly, now we must let them try out their own wings. My mommy heart is desperate for them to fly well and not crash.
This passage demonstrates parental wisdom though. Paul (like Moses), upon being separated from the ones he taught, takes a very specific action: he reminds them to continue following his instructions. He also reminds them how it had gone well for them when they did (in other word "it worked well! you were blessed! - keep obeying, guys!")
This is something practical I can do. I can look back over our time together and celebrate with our children the wonderful things we've done together, the exciting ways we've seen that learning take hold, and how we're filled with joyful expectation that this will continue in their future.
Which brings me to the next point.
This instruction from Paul, this pleading with his followers to please remember everything they've learned, sounds a bit like Moses' parting words to the Israelites. "In the future... take to heart all these instructions" (Deut. 30:1 NLT) Moses goes on waaay longer than that (like, for multiple chapters), but that is the very condensed message.
As I think about my teenagers who are growing ever more independent and who will soon leave our safe nest, my deepest greatest hope is that they will remember what they have learned here, take those lessons with them, and follow those instructions and examples we've set out. We've modelled how to fly, now we must let them try out their own wings. My mommy heart is desperate for them to fly well and not crash.
This passage demonstrates parental wisdom though. Paul (like Moses), upon being separated from the ones he taught, takes a very specific action: he reminds them to continue following his instructions. He also reminds them how it had gone well for them when they did (in other word "it worked well! you were blessed! - keep obeying, guys!")
This is something practical I can do. I can look back over our time together and celebrate with our children the wonderful things we've done together, the exciting ways we've seen that learning take hold, and how we're filled with joyful expectation that this will continue in their future.
Which brings me to the next point.
Setting Joy Before Them
"And I want all of you to share that joy. Yes, you should rejoice, and I will share your joy."
Philippians 2:17,18
Philippians 2:17,18
I deeply appreciate Paul's joy-filled heart and his happy delivery of this instruction.
Now, he says in verse 19 that he's hoping Timothy can come visit him and cheer him up, so it's not all rainbows and lollipops in the prison cell, where he's all isolated and missing his people, but he is, even in this heartbreaking situation, sharing joy with his people and letting that motivate them.
When Paul says things like "Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you", that's a commendation to them. Imagine someone you admire saying this to you. Really. Stop and think about it. I'd be over the moon if a professor would tell me "you're such an attentive student, always eager to implement what I'm teaching, and it's a deep joy and great reward to teach you." or if my mom had said, "Kim, you were always quick to follow my instructions. That's wisdom, kiddo, and I'm proud of you." I mean, tears nearly spring to my eyes even now at the thought. How much more might it mean in real life?
I would carry that in my heart for a long time, and let it motivate me to continue in the behavior that earned me that praise.
The Philippians would likely have felt similarly.
When Paul says things like "your faithful service is an offering to God", or how Timothy "genuinely cares for your welfare', he's pointing out things to be thankful for. He looks to the past and future for such gifts, inviting his audience to do the same, even looking to Christ's return as a time of great reward and joy. Paul "wrote to express his appreciation and affection for the Philippian believers"(1)
and that joy comes across in spades.
As a parent, and yes, especially as someone who thinks long and deeply about serious things, I appreciate this example of affirming his people. I need to do that too.
It's happened too often - and I've received it in my own childhood - where a parent believed that to parent well is to have full control, and to motivate a child is to instruct, nag, or even criticize them. I confess, I find it easy to advise and instruct. I find it difficult to put a tight, heavy lid on all the words. (but I keep getting better at it!)
While Paul absolutely does admonish, instruct and even criticize his followers (have you seen his letter to the Galatians 3:1? "Oh, foolish Galatians! Who has cast an evil spell on you?"), and there is absolutely a place for that, the Philippian letter is one of kind motivation.
There is a time for harsh, blunt truth, and a time for kind, affirming words.
I have a feeling that in parenting, mostly, it's a time for kind, affirming words.
Now, he says in verse 19 that he's hoping Timothy can come visit him and cheer him up, so it's not all rainbows and lollipops in the prison cell, where he's all isolated and missing his people, but he is, even in this heartbreaking situation, sharing joy with his people and letting that motivate them.
When Paul says things like "Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you", that's a commendation to them. Imagine someone you admire saying this to you. Really. Stop and think about it. I'd be over the moon if a professor would tell me "you're such an attentive student, always eager to implement what I'm teaching, and it's a deep joy and great reward to teach you." or if my mom had said, "Kim, you were always quick to follow my instructions. That's wisdom, kiddo, and I'm proud of you." I mean, tears nearly spring to my eyes even now at the thought. How much more might it mean in real life?
I would carry that in my heart for a long time, and let it motivate me to continue in the behavior that earned me that praise.
The Philippians would likely have felt similarly.
When Paul says things like "your faithful service is an offering to God", or how Timothy "genuinely cares for your welfare', he's pointing out things to be thankful for. He looks to the past and future for such gifts, inviting his audience to do the same, even looking to Christ's return as a time of great reward and joy. Paul "wrote to express his appreciation and affection for the Philippian believers"(1)
and that joy comes across in spades.
As a parent, and yes, especially as someone who thinks long and deeply about serious things, I appreciate this example of affirming his people. I need to do that too.
It's happened too often - and I've received it in my own childhood - where a parent believed that to parent well is to have full control, and to motivate a child is to instruct, nag, or even criticize them. I confess, I find it easy to advise and instruct. I find it difficult to put a tight, heavy lid on all the words. (but I keep getting better at it!)
While Paul absolutely does admonish, instruct and even criticize his followers (have you seen his letter to the Galatians 3:1? "Oh, foolish Galatians! Who has cast an evil spell on you?"), and there is absolutely a place for that, the Philippian letter is one of kind motivation.
There is a time for harsh, blunt truth, and a time for kind, affirming words.
I have a feeling that in parenting, mostly, it's a time for kind, affirming words.
Is This Parenting Thing Working Yet? (Where's the Fruit??)
The second parenting application is in verse 16.
"Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the ay of Christ's return,
I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless."
I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless."
I definitely always want to know that my work is not useless, don't you?
Thing is, I usually want to know right now, while I'm still doing the work. I want to know the noodles will be tasty before they're done boiling. I want to know my kids will become spirit-filled, Jesus-loving adults, and I want to know before they're even fifteen.
Paul wants to know his work is not useless too, and has clearly thought about it (or else, why mention it?) but he recognizes that the counting of results only happens later, because the results aren't in yet. The kids haven't grown up yet, they haven't walked through valleys and trials with Jesus yet and made decisions in those moments. Their trials will come and when they do, their hearts will be revealed and, hopefully, purified as they keep on walking with Jesus.
Because that's how it works for all of us.
I think of a family whose heritage of faith is long and wide, and who you would expect would continue the faith they were raised in. They have not. Those around the family might be tempted to lament that all is lost. Look at this destitute, broken situation. Alas.
I expect I would feel that way too, if I must watch my children drift away from Jesus or worse, speed intentionally away from His loving arms.
But Paul reminds us that regardless of how things look now, the results aren't in yet. They'll be counted at the end.
Then and only then will we know for sure if our work was fruitful.
In the meantime, we work. We obey. We pour out our "faithful service as an offering to God" and look forward to celebrating the fruit which He will grow and He will harvest and we will get to share in that joy.
Thing is, I usually want to know right now, while I'm still doing the work. I want to know the noodles will be tasty before they're done boiling. I want to know my kids will become spirit-filled, Jesus-loving adults, and I want to know before they're even fifteen.
Paul wants to know his work is not useless too, and has clearly thought about it (or else, why mention it?) but he recognizes that the counting of results only happens later, because the results aren't in yet. The kids haven't grown up yet, they haven't walked through valleys and trials with Jesus yet and made decisions in those moments. Their trials will come and when they do, their hearts will be revealed and, hopefully, purified as they keep on walking with Jesus.
Because that's how it works for all of us.
I think of a family whose heritage of faith is long and wide, and who you would expect would continue the faith they were raised in. They have not. Those around the family might be tempted to lament that all is lost. Look at this destitute, broken situation. Alas.
I expect I would feel that way too, if I must watch my children drift away from Jesus or worse, speed intentionally away from His loving arms.
But Paul reminds us that regardless of how things look now, the results aren't in yet. They'll be counted at the end.
Then and only then will we know for sure if our work was fruitful.
In the meantime, we work. We obey. We pour out our "faithful service as an offering to God" and look forward to celebrating the fruit which He will grow and He will harvest and we will get to share in that joy.
1. https://www.insight.org/resources/bible/the-pauline-epistles/philippians
