It came to me the way most books come to most of us.
By recommendation of a close friend.
"You'll love it." she said.
She was right.... mostly.
Right off, the premise got me interested.
A woman knocks herself out and awakes to discover she's completely lost her memories of the last ten years? Whoa.
Yeah... What would it be like to lose the last ten years? .
How different IS my life now from ten years ago? Pretty different. Unrecognizable, really.
What would my 10-years-ago self think of my 10-years-later self? Hmm!
By recommendation of a close friend.
"You'll love it." she said.
She was right.... mostly.
Right off, the premise got me interested.
A woman knocks herself out and awakes to discover she's completely lost her memories of the last ten years? Whoa.
Yeah... What would it be like to lose the last ten years? .
How different IS my life now from ten years ago? Pretty different. Unrecognizable, really.
What would my 10-years-ago self think of my 10-years-later self? Hmm!
The Book:
For the main character in this story, Alice, she awoke to her current life with her long-ago eyes, and was horrified by what she discovered.
The marriage that was new and shiny and the kind of romantic that makes you smile and tilt your head and even get misty and giggly as you read, was now, just ten short years later, disintegrated to the point of divorce. They're practically enemies.
The horrific discoveries continue.
She has pre-teen children! Ten short years ago she'd just learned she was pregnant, and was blooming with hope of a bright future. Those pre-teens, eroded by whatever mysterious dysfunction had befallen them all, were insolent, distant, and intolerable.
And her friendships were a mess too. Her closest bonds of sisterhood had snapped apart years ago, leaving only a tenuous strand of obligation between them. And her current friends? To her surprise, the 10-years-later version of herself had chosen to surround herself with vacuous ninnies whose lives appeared to revolve around looking good and having fun.
Everything was so different. SHE was so different.
How did that even happen?
How Her Story Was Also My Story
(Which Is kind of what makes an awesome story, no? The universality of it?)
What I loved about it was how relatable it is.
The universal truth is that we all change.
Often in ways we never would have predicted.
I remember the 20-years-ago version of me (oh, how young and concrete her thinking, and how intolerant of change....) told someone, "If I ever get to 140 pounds, shoot me."
Now, having lived somewhat comfortably at over 140 pounds for years, I must say I'm glad no one agreed to such an instruction.
I'm also glad I was able to change in my view of what gave me value. It wasn't being 120 lbs that made my life worth living, you know? (Even though, clearly, I apparently did have such a view at one time.)
Change isn't always bad, is what I'm saying.
Then again....
Like Alice, my last few years have been spent suffering relational losses the likes of which can send a person to the brink of madness, addiction, depression, and worse.
Losing relationships - especially close relationships - is a gutting, meat-grinder of an experience. Alice walks that path in this novel.
(I walk that path in my memoir).
The loneliness, grief, and absolute shock that overwhelms us when bonds between best friends and even families can crumble right in front of us is, for me, highly relatable. I appreciated the authenticity of the character's angst and confusion, and also appreciated having a fellow sufferer on the journey with me, even if she was a complete fabrication.
A Teensy Philisophical Tangent
This book seemed, to me, to characterize change as a negative thing. It exalted the innocence and optimism and romantic perspective of youth, and to paint in dark colors the changes that come with age, time, and experience as though time erodes our true selves somehow.
If the author's intention (or the reader's take away) is to simply challenge us to examine our lives and shake us out of auto-pilot, then I'm with her. All the way!
If the intention (or reader's take away) is to exalt youth and disparage the inevitable falling away of some of our youthful dreams, then I would challenge that. Our world and media and well-meaning friends tell us we can "just do it" and that Karma is real, and God will bless you, and we can be whatever we want if only we follow our hearts and our dreams.
In such a case, forgive this highly unpopular and politically incorrect perspective, but, "Ba humbug."
We really, literally can't do everything we dream or be everything or anything we want simply because we want it. Like, it's physically, metaphysically, philosophically, scientifically impossible, regardless of what online memes and motivational speakers tell us.), then I would challenge that.
The Feel-Good Take Away
In the end, Alice discovers a way to reclaim those past parts of her - the romance, the hope, the softness - which her present self had forgotten.
Whatever philosophical warning bells this story may jingle in me, if you've read any of my work, you know I'm a big fan of living with and observing the moment with eyes that are fresh and awake with awe, keen to discover the moment's meaning and purpose, and delighting in the details with the intention of never letting them become mundane to my mind or heart.
Call it mindfulness, call it awe of creation, call it a posture of gratitude.
Whatever you call it, it's something Alice, in the course of this story, remembered.
And I love that about this book. .
If you're like me, and love not only reading, but talking about what you're reading, you're welcome to join the conversation in my Smart Readers Book Club. We don't have to think alike, we don't have to agree. Well... we should probably agree a little on which books to read. You know... so we can talk about them :)
Find out more about my Smart Readers Club here.
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