People-pleasers. You know them.
They’re the ones who ache for approval and appreciation and really, really, want you to like them.
Their biggest fear is not public speaking, it is rejection.
Maybe the biggest people-pleaser in your life is you.
I’ve sure been one. That ache for approval is still something I need to fight against.
I still remember the day I found a piece of freedom from it.
We sat at the table, and I had just shared something – I had just dared to be a little vulnerable, hoping it would open the door to relationship just a little bit more.
The response was not reciprocal. It wasn’t even kind.
“You’re a pinhead.”
I was shocked. Did they really just say that??
Normally, that response would have wrecked me. I would have valiantly resisted crying, pouted as I left, and whined about the lack of love and acceptance.
But this time the truth hit me: their rejection wasn’t about me at all. It was about them. They weren’t calling me a pinhead. They were calling themselves a pinhead.
Suddenly it wasn’t about me. I could legitimately, permanently remove myself from the equation. If it wasn’t about me then, it was just about the other person, and I could have room for compassion and understanding.
Instead of focusing on myself and my feelings, I could consider where the other person was coming from. It was freeing!
Let’s face it; we’re selfish.
Most of what we think and say comes from our own perspective, experience, and feelings. That means most of what others think and say comes from their own perspective too, and it’s likely not about us.
Lately, for example, as soon as I say we don’t home school anymore, and the kids are attending school for the first time, people seem to crawl out of the woodwork by the dozens to give the advice they’ve apparently kept to themselves all these years. Everyone suddenly knows what’s best for my children, and how to raise them, and what they need – even acquaintances or childless singles. They’re relieved I’ve finally come to my senses and stopped inflicting home school on my poor children.
I nod along and silently vow to never bring up the subject again, but also remember that it’s not about me. Their comments are about them – their perception, their experience, their fears. It’s got nothing to do with me.
I’m telling you, this is an approval-addict’s freedom.
But it’s only a half-answer, as I realized one day in the grocery store.
There in the bakery section, I saw someone I’d gone to school with decades before. Suddenly I was bothered by what I’d chosen to wear, and self-conscious about what was in my shopping cart.
“Oh no… this is the day I’m buying only breads…. They’ll totally judge me!”
…Really?
We didn’t even know each other, and I cared what they might think of me and my clothes and my cart?
That’s when I realized I needed to take this not-about-me philosophy one step further.
I do need approval, but from the right place.
I need to value only the opinion of One.
What does Jesus think of me? Does HE approve of my thoughts and actions?
And, unlike the approval of people, His approval actually satisfies us. It lasts. It brings a peace and contentment that no person’s encouragement or flattery can.
This is the approval we should seek: from our audience of One.
.
"Our purpose is to please God, not people."
1 Thessalonians 2:4
"Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval.
Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed
and who correctly explains the word of truth."
2 Timothy 2:15
1 Thessalonians 2:4
"Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval.
Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed
and who correctly explains the word of truth."
2 Timothy 2:15
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